Transformation is a sneaky bugger!

If you were to ask me how I got to where I am I wouldn't have an answer for you.

And to be even more honest, there are multiple days when I wish I would've written some of the stuff I've done down, so I could give someone a bit of a heads up.

But I didn't.  And I can't.

And while we're on the honest train, I don't really think that having written it down chronologically would have helped anyone anyway.  Transformation takes time.  And it happens in your own individual time, in your own individual way.

My transformation probably doesn't look like the next guys because it was made just for little old me.

I've tried over the years to rush my transformation.  There have been many times when I could feel something new coming around the bend and wanting it so badly and wishing that it would just hurry up and get here only to have it take FOREVER to arrive!

(don't you just love run on sentences)

I have an aversion to patience and so I am often found rushing my progress in business and personal relationships as well.  Just to end up totally spent with nothing more to give to anyone or anything.

I find lately that those moments of exhaustion are coming more and more quickly.  It used to take months to catch up to me and now it seems like all I need to do is spend a couple of hours giving too much of my energy to rushing something and I BAM I'm on the couch because my body refuses to move forward.

It hit me the other day as I contemplated how hard I have been pushing myself to 'get somewhere' that my path has already been laid for me.  This is a belief I have held for many years (though sometimes the screams of 'should' are louder than my beliefs).  That everything that I have ever experienced up until this point has prepared me for this moment, just as this moment will prepare me for the next (and so on, you get the picture).  So, is it really necessary for me to 'bust my nuts' over something?  Does it really matter whether or not my website is kickass or not?  Does it really matter that I have no idea where I am heading or where I will be in the next month or so? 

No.  None of it matters.

I look at my husband and his career.  He has seemingly effortlessly risen up the ladder of his profession, has earned the respect of his peers and is constantly being asked to take positions with other companies because they would love to have his expertise on their team!  All he has done (and I say 'all' as if it's not important, but it is really important) is be himself and embrace the passion he has for what he does.

So as far as transformation goes, I think it's a go with the flow kind of process.  That if you are resisting then your transformation is going to come along slowly, like walking through a muddy bog.  But if you are open and trust the flow and the pace at which life is handing you opportunities then things are going to come along nicely.  Maybe not as quickly as you would like (if you are allergic to patience like I am), but it will come along none the less, because it has to.  Life is designed to move, shift and change constantly. 

Unless you are chained to a brick wall your whole life you will transform and it will be amazing and one day when someone asks you how you got there you aren't gonna have an answer for them because transformation is sneaky that way :)

Moving on....

Today is the day we get the keys to our new home.

These are exciting times for my family. We've never moved before, we've been surrounded by the same people, places and things for 20+ years.

I have asked myself this question "Why are you moving?"

I've also fielded this question from many curious friends, family and acquaintances.

The only answer I can come up with is "It's time".

It really is time to move on. I moved here with my hubby when I was 18. I was so young, so naive and had so much to learn about life and love.

Over the past 20 years my hubby and I have turned this home into exactly what we saw in it the day we bought it. We worked hard side by side to renovate and update each and every part of it with our own hands.

This house is a part of who we were, who we are now and who we are going to be tomorrow because of all the time we spent together working on it. Those times weren't always happy, however it is exactly those times that taught me about forgiveness, unconditional love and acceptance.

So now, sitting here as the person I am today. I no longer need what this house has given me in the past. It is time to step into a new space and reality, it is time to take what this home has taught me and apply it to a new life. And I am grateful for the opportunity.

Last night as I laid in bed, I gave silent thanks to this home for welcoming us as a young couple, for allowing us to transform her with our love and for nurturing us and our children as our family grew and grew and grew.

Now it is time to move on.

A new adventure begins.....

EUREKA!

We've sold our house and managed to purchase a house we've had our eyes on for months now. I think we went through this particular house 3 times already. It was one of the only houses that had everything that we needed; basically a basement and an extra bathroom.

To be honest, I never thought we'd ever move from the house that we live in now. I thought we'd be here forever. We have taken this cute little farm house, renovated it and brought all of the visions we had of what it could be the first time we saw it, to life over these past 20 years. To say leaving will be bittersweet is an understatement. (And how do you remove the door jam that has your children's growth recorded on it?)

I find myself moving between feelings of extreme excitement for the new opportunity to live in a town I absolutely love, close to the lake and the sadness of what we are leaving behind.

There are so many memories here. So many trees growing in our yard in celebration of our children's lives.

There are some moments when my mind wanders through all the reasons why we should stay here, it's interesting how much we embrace what we know and find fear in the new and unfamiliar.

This morning I had one of those moments, and realistically I am at the point of no return, however my mind continues to indulge in fear based thought.

I am not the first woman to move from her home after 20 years, nor will I be the last and I am finding a growing appreciation for all those who came before me. Not only in the fact that there is alot of stuff to purge and pack, but also the emotional attachment that as women have to our homes, it is one that runs deep and severing that attachment is a delicate surgery.

As women we come into a home and we make it ours, we make it comfortable for our families, we create memories and love in our homes. Our homes are a reflection of who we are, they are I believe a part of us, even though they are a material possession, we give them personalities and characteristics that embrace us and help us to feel safe and secure.

Even the process of selecting a new home was a challenge for me. I would come home after a day of house hunting and be emotionally exhausted and in need of a nap.

As my husband moved through the houses making sure they were structurally sound, I was busying myself with creating images of my family interacting within the houses. I knew it wouldn't be the right house until I could see and feel my family living in it happily.

Thankfully, the Universe presented us with the house we have purchased and I believe it is the best home for us.

It is a house that is loved and cared for and I appreciate that.

Because that is what we are leaving behind.

A house full of love and memories, and I can only hope the new family coming in enjoy it as much as I have.