Speaking in Tongues

WARNING:  this post might confuse the heck out of you.  Do not operate heavy machinery while reading this post.  Do not attempt to cook a meal while reading this post.  Taking too long to read this post might make you as crazy as I am.  You've been warned!


I might be better off today, if I wrote in some mysterious ancient language.  At least it might seem more exotic or mysterious.

Instead it's just going to be me trying to piece words together that may or may not make sense.

Because lately, it feels like english doesn't make sense to me.  In fact, nothing about my life is making any sense to me.  I feel a bit like I'm walking in a fog and God only knows if I'm about to step off the edge of the earth.

I know there are things I need to do, clients to see, dinners to make and still I feel like my eyes are only half open.  I had to keep looking down at myself to make sure I had gotten dressed today because even in my 'going out of the house' clothes, I feel like I'm still in my pj's.

Does anyone else feel like they need to stay in bed for a week (you can nod and agree if you want to, no one can see you)?

Maybe it was that asteroid that nearly hit earth the other day and shifted the gravitational pull (or something like that, I wasn't paying attention).

It's not just me.

I got home from a meeting this afternoon to see that my youngest decided to take a nap.  He's eleven, so any chance of him agreeing to lay down in the middle of the day is nil!

I think I've sprouted 10 different personalities over the past month.  And they all want air time....  It's ridiculous!

I mean, I can't even think of 10 names to call them!

I wonder what would happen if I gave them each their own blog??? 

Hmmmmm

I might as well be walking through life backwards these days.  At least that way I'd have a better view of what I've missed.

At the bakery today, I handed the girl a $10 bill and then waited for change.  She stood there staring at me because I had my hand out and my change purse open to receive change.  She said "did you need a bag or something?" and I looked at her, looked at my purse and realized the total was $10 and there would be no change. 

Yep, I'm good for a laugh these days.

Gosh I feel so fucked up dazed and confused....

Aren't you glad you popped over today for a visit?

Blech!

'Ruler of the Household'

We all know one of the most important duties of Ruler of the Household Stay at Home Mother is the stocking of the castle cupboards and refrigerator....

This morning even I cringed at the lack of food available for my children's lunches....  Which doesn't happen often let me tell you....  With only one lonely apple left in the fridge it made it difficult even for me to go on my daily morning "there are plenty of healthy foods in the fridge" speech.

So, off I went to the magical supermarket, where, by the way there is absolutely no bliss to be found (and I thought the bingo halls were bad).  I don't know about you but I pick the oddest times of the day to do my grocery shopping in the hopes that I will be the only shopper there, but alas, it was not to be today....

Today was one of those 'handle with care' shopping days, you know the ones where your shopping cart is so full that things just start to fall off randomly...  As hard as I tried to strategically place items so that they wouldn't fall, they still did!

I felt triumphant as I rounded my last corner, eggs balancing precariously on top of the bread, when I realized I had missed pancake mix and black olives....

Shit  Shoot.....

The only two items my children ACTUALLY asked for....

By this point my cart is too heavy to push, so I park it in an out of the way spot and run to get the things I had forgotten.

All set.

Time to find the appropriate cash out line.  The shortest one, but not the one with the cashier I had last time attending it.  THAT was a treat.

I think it's me....  All cashiers hate me...  They see me coming with my $400 cart of groceries and they desperately wish it was their break time....  They do their best to avoid eye contact, but it's no use, I am like a heat seeking missile, I want the hell out of there and I'll do whatever it takes to make that happen.

By the time they are done scanning all of my items they have sweat running down their faces and the look of exhaustion they give me as they hand me my 5 foot long receipt almost makes me feel sorry for them....

Almost...

Because their not the suckers that have to put this stuff away when they get home!

And you know what the darling little Merritt Princes will say to their Ruler Mother???

Go on....take a guess.....

"There's nothing to eat in this house!"

This is the moment that if I were living in the wild as a lion or other ferocious animal, I would eat them.....