What have I got to lose?

I've been asking myself this question alot lately.

When it comes to stepping out of my comfort zone and putting myself even further out into the world as a healer I find it's easier to step out as a small, insignificant Jenn.  Not at all the Jenn I am, and not at all the Jenn I wish to be in this world.

Last week I met a woman I'd only spoken to online.  She was so excited to finally meet me and I believe her exact words were "I can't believe I'm actually meeting you!"

Really?

But I'm just me.  What's so great about that?

I think we can all relate to this inner conundrum.  With the advancement of technology it's easier and easier for us to become who we want people to see us as, but it doesn't take away the fact that we are still human beings, struggling with our own shit and trying to feel confident about ourselves; completely and honestly confident.

I was flattered (of course who wouldn't be) by this woman's sentiment.  She was so sweet!

And it prompted some deep questionning for me.  Why do I not wake up everyday that excited to see myself?  If someone else thinks I'm worthy of that adoration then why don't I?  What have I got to lose by seeing myself as this spectacular, inspiring person instead of as the small, shy, insignificant girl?

The answer is......NOTHING!

None of us has anything to lose when it comes to stepping into the shoes that God sent us here to wear. 

You know those shoes that are sitting in the box on a shelf in the back of your closet collecting dust. 

Why don't we wear them?  Why don't we willingly put those shoes on everyday and wear them proudly?

When I search my heart for an answer to those questions I find that the truth is I'm scared of someone not liking my shoes.  That's ridiculous, right?  And if I dig even deeper I see that it's me that I'm scared of.  What if I LIKE who I am in those shoes?  What if I totally ROCK those shoes (btw, I see my shoes as those ruby red ones from the Wizard of Oz, totally blinged out and hard to ignore)!

What if, what if, what if.

If I continue this way I may just 'what if' myself to death!

Anyway, the point is I think in honour of a new year fast approaching, we dig out those shoes, dust them off, shine them up and put them on!  Wear who you are proudly because the world needs you to and more importantly because YOU need YOU to!

I can't wait to see what your shoes look like!

Becoming Responsible

This is one of the main points (I believe) of becoming more self aware and spiritually evolved (and by spiritually evolved, I mean more connected to your divine state). 

It is one of the main points to finding true peace and empowerment in your life. 

Becoming responsible for yourself. 

Ask yourself these questions:  Who has responsibility over your happiness?  Your level of self esteem?  Your success?  Your thoughts?  Your goals?  Your dreams?  Your anger?  Your lack of financial independence?  Your relationships?

Very rarely do we accept ownership or responsibility for these things in our life.  How silly is that?  I mean why do we want to give our ability to be happy over to someone who has no idea what happiness even looks like?  Or what about making it someone else's duty to ensure our self esteem levels are at a healthy standard when their own self esteem is suffering?

It's an utterly ridiculous concept and still we see it all too often, don't we?

We put expectations on friends to ensure we are entertained when we are in need.  We complain to our spouses that we aren't happy in the relationship and place the blame on their shoulders.  Our children insist it is you who must find them something to do when they are bored.

Granted, it's a beautiful thing to love someone so much that you try to make them happy, successful, wealthy and fulfilled.  However, it's a much more beautiful thing if you insist on being the person that does this for yourself and encourage those around you to consider the same.

We take a wrong turn in life when we hand over power and control to someone outside of ourselves.  It results in internal and external conflict, marriages fail and friendships implode, people become increasingly miserable and blame everything under the sun on external sources.

This behaviour does nothing more than feed the victim within.  The person inside of us that insists on not taking responsibility for their life absolutely loves being able to blame someone else for their misfortune.

It's not fair when you think about it.  The husband who has been put in charge of his wife's happiness will most surely fail.  There is no room for success since he most likely hasn't got a clue as to what makes her happy (how many women actually know what will make them happy)!

The point is, there is only one person who can be responsible, who has control over your happiness and that person is YOU.

How do you become more responsible?  How do you take charge of your life? 

Here are some tips:

1)  You want to become aware of your emotions in every situation.  Our feelings are our first indicator that we need to explore more deeply.  If you are feeling sad, it isn't because someone caused you to become sad, it is because you placed unfair expectations on another person or experience and the outcome disappointed you, therefore you are responsible for your own sadness.

2)  You want to actively engage in "turning it around".  If Joe is frustrating you because he won't pick up his socks turn it around "Joe should pick up his socks" becomes "I should pick up his socks".  If you want something done and no one is doing it (regardless of your nagging) take responsibility and do it yourself since you are the only one that wants it done anyway.

3)  Remember that no matter what the situation looks like on the outside, people are NOT out to get you, they are NOT out to make your life miserable and there is NOT a personal vendetta against you.  When we get to this place inside of our heads we really have no sense of responsibility for our selves and so it feels like every single person on the planet is against our quest for happiness.  Again, awareness of these thoughts is a great first step because awareness moves us into a new phase of growth and realization.  To get past this you can use the "turning it around" tip.

I have to say that it has been my experience that becoming responsible is not all that hard.  Since the reward is almost always automatic in that you begin to feel empowered and that is where the domino effect starts to happen.

Soon, you will be able to recognize when someone is putting their responsibility on you and you can make the wise decision of not accepting it.  When we accept the responsibility of making someone else happy, or useful or whatever we are perpetuating the problem.

And we all know where that road leads......

Simply J is a self awareness mentor and certified Reiki teacher. 

If you wish to learn more about her work visit www.stateofbeing.ca

Just the way I am

Something interesting happened to me yesterday.  I fell in love with myself!

This may sound kind of funny.  To some people it may sound selfish or arrogant.  But it's true and it feels really good feeling this way.

It probably wouldn't be such a big deal to finally fall in love with ME if it wasn't for the fact that my entire life I haven't really been comfortable with who I am, sure sometimes there were glimmers of "like" thrown in, but nothing like this.  I have always struggled with feeling unworthy of others love and affection. 

There are times in my life when I feel absolutely "in my zone".  Reiki is that time for me.  Also, when I'm experiencing or learning something new.  It's during these times that I feel completely on task and on purpose. 

But there have been many other times when I feel lonely, isolated, unworthy, unloved and invisible to the world.  Am I destined to just muddle through life?  Or is there another reason why I am the way I am?



Why do I feel uncomfortable working in a mainstream job?  Why do I behave the way I do around certain people?  Why do I network the way I do?  Why do I procrastinate to the point that it debilitates my business?  Why do I always feel like I need to prove myself to everyone?  Why do I seem to always travel the bumpiest paths?  Why do I feel unworthy of financial abundance?  Why am I comfortable living the life of a hermit?  Why do I feel guilty when I indulge in something that makes me feel good?  Why is it when I stop going to the gym and taking care of my body my life seems to stop moving? Why is it that I can't be happy just settling with one thing in life, why do I constantly seek something to learn and experience?  The list of why's goes on and on.

These questions and more were all answered for me yesterday when I took part in a hand analysis session with Rosemary Heenan of Heart Power Coaching.

Our hands contain each and every aspect about ourselves.  They are like our own personal road maps.  Each detail intricately woven into our fingers and palms.  Some things I learned we have the power to change, certain lines on our hands can change if we make enough changes to our lives.  For instance I have what's called a grid on my left hand that indicates starts and stops with regards to business/career and that makes sense because of my procrastination issues, but I wasn't born with that grid, I created it myself and I can remove it from my hand print if I choose to do so.

As I had my hand & finger prints analyzed and explained to me I quickly realized that my entire life has been exactly the way it has had to be.  Each characteristic of myself is who I really am.  I have spent years apologizing to people for being me.  Not that they needed an apology but I always felt like I wasn't good enough, that my strengths were my weaknesses.  Now I see that my strengths are my gifts and that there is nothing weak about me!

I also see that the lessons that were mapped out on my hand have been lovingly played out for the 37 years of my life.  Each person and experience has been placed in my life to shine a light on my purpose and my lessons to be learned.

Fascinating doesn't begin to describe this process.

I felt a great burden lift off of me yesterday.  There are so many things that I have been denying myself out of guilt, fear and lack of money all these years.  These are the very things though that my soul needs in order to fully evolve and be healthy!  Take for instance the fact that I have decided not to attend the gym for the past 4 weeks now because of lack of money for gas.  Our financial situation hasn't changed, I just decided this was a good move to "save" us some money (I seem to always worry about money), since I didn't need to go to the gym anyway.  I can see clearly that my life changed when I made that decision, and with each thought of putting the membership on hold to save even more money things seemed to get worse.  What I found out through my hand analysis is that self love is right at the top of my list when it comes to what my soul needs in order to survive.  Going to the gym translates into love of self and therefore opens me up to receiving abundance from the Universe because I am loving myself.  I can feel that this is my soul's truth, the information resonated within me and filled me up with the wisdom that when I make this slight change and honor my bodies needs I will once again be on track.

I feel as though I've been given permission to love myself!  To accept who I am on every level and be that person that I've been denying all these years.  The freedom of this knowledge is life giving!

We all know what our purpose is, it can be seen in our every day tasks that we love, it can be heard in small whispers if we are listening and everything Rosemary told me I already knew and had already been addressing in my life but the confirmation of the whole story is what made this experience something I will never forget.

And there was something else about this experience.  Making a print of my hand and then looking at it in black and white was awe inspiring!  We don't see the details in our hands when we look with our eyes, but when you see it in black and white the image that is in front of you is a work of art!  Our hand prints are a true divine work of art!  And if our hand prints are a divine work of art and hold all the information about who we are.....then doesn't that make US a divine work of art also?