Your Not The Only One

This topic came up briefly in conversation while traveling home from Pelee Island this weekend.

At first I thought it was funny and kind of cute to think about. 

And then that cute little seed started to grow and I got to realizing that this is a great concept when you are feeling frustrated with your relationships and the people around you.

So what's the topic?

When you're feeling like you want to run screaming from a relationship, maybe you're not the only one.  Maybe the other person can't stand the sight of you either.

Nice huh?

And as I typed those words my tummy did a somersault and my mind immediately said "this is not a very nice topic to discuss, you should find something more pleasant to talk about".


Oh, so we've hit a nerve then (apparently my mind is new around here).

The fact is that we don't want to admit to ourselves that we might be wrong or flawed or unworthy of anyone's attention and time.  Heaven forbid someone actually think about us the way we may be thinking about them! 

Truthfully though common sense tells me that if I'm irritated with someone then sure as shit they are doing their best to handle my flaws as well (my marriage is a prime example of this!  My hubby deserves a medal!).  But sometimes we just don't see it that way.

We all know what it feels like to get into our self righteous attitude about how someone else is just the most vile person in the world to live with (or work with, or travel with, etc).  We feel 'better than' another.  We feel superior and justified.

(there goes that tummy flipping again)

And maybe bringing your mind into the space where you can consider yourself just as flawed isn't the most comfortable thing to do.  But it is something.  A step in a new direction where you can better understand why you feel this way or why you believe others need to be worthy before you can give them your time, patience and appreciation.

Because really at the end of the day, what you see in others is what you see in yourself.

The Art of Projection

projection:  a : the act of perceiving a mental object as spatially and sensibly objective; also : something so perceived b : the attribution of one's own ideas, feelings, or attitudes to other people or to objects; especially : the externalization of blame, guilt, or responsibility as a defense against anxiety

This is just one of many definitions of the word 'projection'.

My experience lately has related to the above definition (specifically 'b') and I've been given many opportunities to see how I have been projecting my own ideas, feelings and attitudes onto other people.

The concept of projecting my shit onto someone else is not a new one for me.  I've been reading about it and hearing about it for years.  But living it, breathing it and recognizing it as actually happening is something I haven't practiced much.....until recently.

That is until one major projection came crashing down around me one fine spring day.


What I am learning about projecting onto others is, that eventually it does all come crashing down.  My take is that our ideas, fears and attitudes change and so what we project will change, thus eliminating the initial projection (sometimes not without heartache and regret).

The other part of this is that at some point you need to know the truth.  When a projection starts to crumble or becomes something you recognize as a pattern you have no choice really but to see exactly what the cause of all of this is.

Since we are beings that are in constant relation to everything around us, our projections will affect our personal and intimate relationships, they will affect our finances, careers and education.  They will affect how safe we feel with ourselves and our surroundings.  Simply put, you can look at anything in your life and see a projection.



Whatever you believe is true about your relationships, your finances, etc. is what you will project out into your reality.

We are literally masters in the art of projection!

But just as we are great at projecting out what we believe to be true, we are equally powerful in dismantling that projection and revealing the truth so that it can't cause us grief anymore.

What if you started to look around your life and decided to take ownership of why things are the way they are.  What kind of impact do you think this would have on your life?  

And So......

Everything is right with the world....

Today....

As I sit here feeling full of all that is good after a Ginormous (j-eye-norm-us) Total Recall Women's Retreat weekend on Pelee Island!

A beautiful B&B right on the water's edge.

A roommate that ROCKED and shared my interest in sleep!

A realization (again) that I am not superwoman.

The courage to act upon the re-discovery of my 'un' superwomanly self.

Laughter (most important).

Great food (okay...maybe this one is most important).

Hearing someone confirm for me that I am and I have made a difference in their life (bonus: without even trying!).

Recognizing the incredible influence that this past year has had on me.

The kick ass suntan I am going to have!

Getting the chance once again to stand in front of people willing to learn and grow with you.

Rediscovering the word 'magnificent' and feeling like it describes who I am (A first for me!)

The list is endless.

My point?  I am happy.  I can see my blessings.  I know their names.  I know their smiles.  I know their hugs.  And I know that I am worthy of them.

Just as you are worthy of yours.

<3