boobs, butts and bellies.....NOW have I got your attention!

If your a regular to this blog, you will no doubt have noticed I am on a kick to embrace my divine femininity.

I have to say that it's been quite intense over the last couple of weeks.  I'm finding myself weaving in and out of old and new stories about myself.  I feel like I've been given a magnifying glass to look at myself more clearly.

I've been doing more to help myself feel better in my skin.

I've been making an effort to attend yoga classes at the local gym (and I'm finally learning to love yoga and what it does for the body and mind!)

I've also begun to make a ritual out of really facing myself and looking at myself in the mirror every morning.  The trick to this is to have no thoughts as I am doing so. 

One day as I was investigating every inch of my body as I stood in front of the mirror, I once again noticed all of the stretch marks and wrinkles on my belly.

This part of my body has disgusted me for years, since I've had children.  Gone is the once tight smooth skin of my abdomen (that unfortunately even THEN I didn't appreciate).  What is left in it's place is a bulging bunch of wrinkly skin.  My navel barely recognizable! 

This particular day though I took a closer look and I could hardly believe my eyes!  I noticed that the lines on my belly resembled a tree!  The roots, trunk and branches all very defined and visible.  How could I have missed this amazing visual effect all of these years?!?!?

Wow, a tree!

At that moment I connected to the realization that I have never appreciated the symbolism of this part of my body. The sacrifice my body made to create, nurture, house and grow another being into life.  It truly is magnificent. 

As women we talk alot about our bodies.  It doesn't seem to matter what the conversation is about, somehow it turns to a discussion about boobs, butts and bellies.  What we'd like to change, what we wish we could upgrade, what could use a downsize or upsize. 

We do all that we can to improve ourselves, no matter the cost to our health sometimes.

I hear that when a woman hits her fifties that she begins to be comfortable with her body, her life, herself.

I don't want to wait 12 years to become comfortable with myself.  I don't want to wait 12 years to finally embrace my inner Goddess, to finally be able to step into my feminine power and love my body.

I want that now!  How 'bout you?

I've got a new song!

Sometimes along your journey towards something spectacular you can pinpoint exact moments in time when something shifts inside of you.  A word is spoken or a story is shared and you realize "OMG!  That's it!  That's the missing piece!"

This week has been filled with them and today was no exception. 

There are no coincidences here.

I shared in my last blog about the disconnectedness I have been feeling with regards to expressing my femininity.  I've been giving this SO much thought over the last couple of weeks and the more I think about it the more I receive messages from my world about the next steps I need to take.

For example, a couple of days ago a good friend of mine handed me a book she picked up at a store entitled "GROW".  It's a great book about connecting to our femininity, what that looks like for each of us as individuals.  It is filled with vibrant colors and inspiring stories to help me truly find my true nature, connect with it and live it on the inside and out.

Then today, as I sat sharing stories with another good friend the conversation turned to self love and how we feel about our bodies, how we treat (or mistreat) them.  She leaned over and said to me "This is a bit embarassing but I used to wear really tight bathing suits under my clothes to squish and hide my breasts as a young girl."  She shared how much she felt like a freak in her own body.  In that moment I connected to a memory I had of stuffing my own bra at a very young age because the torment I got from being skinny and flat chested was unbearable.  I shared this memory with her, to which we both laughed at ourselves and questioned why it is that as young girls we insist on covering up who we really are?!?!  And more importantly WHY do we still do it as adults?

The memory of the pain of growing into a woman hadn't come to mind in quite a long time.  This was a Eureka moment for me!  That moment of reconnecting to the memory of me being a young girl, teased for something I had no control over really hit home.  I have been not trusting my inner self for a very very long time.  I have not been feeling good in my own skin for 38 years!

I believe there is no greater tragedy in this lifetime than to live with the idea that you are not good enough, that you are not pretty, tall or slim enough!  I've had enough of that life!

It's time to turn on a new song ladies.  It's time to turn on the song called "Take this shame and shove it!" and like the quote says "dance like nobody's watching!"

Helllooo, divine feminine....Where are you?

The topic of the divine feminine has been on my mind for a couple of weeks now.

As I grabbed Marianne Williamson's book "A Woman's Worth" off my bookshelf for the first time and leafed through it, I began to realize just how far away I have pushed my divine feminine "powers".  Her words about feminine power and the ways of a woman really touched me and at the same time had me feeling frustrated and confused about where I am in this moment with those feminine powers.  I feel like I have misplaced them somewhere, like a set of car keys.

I can see it in the way I dress myself, the lack of effort I put towards my hair and make up, the muted colors I choose for my wardrobe.  There's no color, no fun in anything I wear.  To quote a good friend during a conversation about my struggle with this topic; "my inside isn't matching my outside".  I feel more frumpy than sexy.

Inside I feel love, joy and gratitude almost consistently.  Yet you wouldn't know it by my physical appearance.  My outward appearance looks tired, worn out.

Years of giving all of my energy to my son's and husband, throwing on jeans and a sweatshirt to head to the arena and watch hours upon hours of hockey.  Working from home as a healer means I don't have a need to get all dressed up in the morning.  The lack of time these days to write, draw and create have me drifting even farther from the girl I want to be.

I want to be comfortable inside and out, and I want to look good and inspire other women at the same time.

During yoga class yesterday I found myself staring into the mirror as I held the Warrior pose.  I forced myself to look over my body, I watched myself hold that pose, strong and powerful in that moment.  And I wanted to hug that woman in the mirror, to tell her that she is beautiful, that she is powerful no matter how it looks on the outside and that she is well on her way to becoming reacquainted with her divine femininity.