Be The Love That You Seek

It must have been about two years ago now.  I was sitting in a coffee shop with a dear friend and she was telling me that she was at her wits end with her sons behaviour.  This was something she had been dealing with for many years and it seemed she had come to a point where it seemed she just couldn't do it anymore.

She asked if I had any advice.  I did (don't I always?).  I asked her if she could love him just the way he is.  All he needed is her love and her approval; would she be able to give him that in the circumstances they were in?  She left that coffee date feeling much better about her situation.  There wasn't any magic pill or technique that she needed.  She didn't need to pay thousands of dollars to an 'expert'.  All she needed to do was love her son.

I was reminded of this conversation last night and it brought me back to the realization that all any of us really needs is love.  A great reminder for anyone struggling right now.

What makes life interesting is when we decide the only love we need is the love from someone outside of ourselves and if we can't get that love then we must not be worthy of love at all.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

The truth is that we embody the love that we seek and NOTHING changes that.  Not a break up or a rejection can take the love that lives within you away from you!

What I've learned in the past is that when someone has rejected me it hasn't been about 'me' at all.  It's been about them.  There was something inside of them that brought them to reject me.  I was being myself.  Which is all any of us can do in any relationship.  If being yourself makes someone respond with rejection (or anything else that doesn't resemble love) then they aren't worth your time and effort (in my humble opinion). 

I can't tell you how many times I have put on my circus clothes for another person.  I would become master of every disguise just trying to find the one disguise that would earn me some lovin'; whether it be from a boss, my spouse, a child, a parent or a friend; I was willing to put who I was aside in order to become the person someone else would have liked me to be instead.  The trick is that person you are trying to please doesn't even know themselves, so how can they possibly know you?

This was the conversation topic as my husband and I walked the dog last night.  We spoke about relationships and how frustrating it can be to try and appease everyone.  We discussed how we could shift those relationships and at that moment I was reminded of the story I started this post with.  I remembered that in order to shift the circumstances of her sons behaviour, all my friend had to do was simply and profoundly love her son.  It gave her new eyes with which to see her little boy.  

I think that's all there is to it folks.  I think that anytime you are in a situation where you are feeling like you are part of some invisible fight for love (and any struggle of any kind is a fight for love); just be the love that you seek.  This isn't about being right or being the more 'spiritual' one (whatever that means!); this is about being love and giving that love to those in your life who need it the most.  In giving it away you end up having more!  TA-DA!

The Vault

Waking up with dread or fear of lack is NOT a fun thing!

This morning as I was doing my morning routine I was thinking about this fear and the countless times it has taken over my day and crippled me with...well....fear.

I thought about the many times I've said "I need to make more money" or "I need to earn more money".  The idea of these sentences seems ridiculous really.  I don't even know how to physically 'make' money AND if I got paid for all of things I do around here I'd never need to earn another penny because I'd be stinking rich!

This musing became a meditation that I thought I'd share with all the folks who sometimes find themselves ensnared in the fear of lack game.  EnJOY!

*Imagine yourself standing in front of a large, silver vault.  You can see that there is a combination dial on the front of the door and you can also see that you don't need a combination because the door is opened slightly so that you only need to pull it open with your hands.

The door opens easily and freely with little to no effort at all.

Inside of the vault is brightly lit and is jam packed from floor to ceiling with stacks of freshly 'made' and 'earned' bills in various denominations.

Notice how you are feeling at the sight of this treasure.  There is a guide that is standing at the door waiting for you.  He/she tells you that this is the money that you have earned and deserved and have yet to claim/receive.  You step forward and your guide tells you to take as much as you desire and that no matter what you will always be free to come back for more when you feel you need to.

Take a moment and receive the money that you need/desire and turn to walk out the door.  As you walk out you notice a satchel hanging on a golden hook by the door.  The Universe thought of everything and has provided you with this satchel to carry your money in so that you aren't burdened by it overflowing in your arms.

You deposit your money into the satchel and pull the strap across your shoulder.  You notice that there is still room in the satchel for more money and that it's not that heavy to carry so you return to the piles of money to select more.  As you return you notice that where you have already taken stacks of bills they have already been replaced.  The vault is a never ending supply of financial abundance that is all yours.

You turn around and exit the vault.  Your guide gives you a hug and wishes you well on your journey reminding you to return as often as needed/desired.  She/he gently pulls the door to the vault so that it sits slightly open as it was when it first appeared to you.

You give thanks to the Universe and your guide for being so generous.

Take a deep breath and come out of the meditation feeling fulfilled and abundant.*

I did this impromptu meditation this morning and this afternoon I received cash in the mail.  Cash I had been expecting but totally forgot about.  Coincidence?  I think not :)

Release Through Acceptance

There are lots of catch phrases that are being tossed around these days.  The 'let it go' and 'just be' movements have caught me off guard MANY times!

How do we just be?  I think I blogged about it here one day so I won't go back into it today.

The frustration of not knowing how to let things go and just be has had me in a tailspin for the last few years.  Every once in a while though I do find myself easily moving through experiences and letting things go.  It passes too quickly for me to catch it and bottle it up.  I wish I could do that sometimes.  Catch those blissful moments of clarity and shove them into a bottle for safe keeping.  At least if I had it in a bottle I could access it on purpose instead of tripping over them sporadically.

A number of years ago I was moving through experiences of panic and anxiety for what seemed like no reason at all.  At one point on our way home from a vacation I turned to my husband and said "I think I'll need to be medicated the next time we vacation."  I was just coming down from a three day panic attack that resulted in us leaving our cottage a few days early which infuriated my husband.  I haven't had a panic attack since.

What I learned from that experience was that the key to 'letting go' is in accepting what is.  In the moment that I admitted that I may need some help with my panic attacks via conventional medicine I was accepting my position.  I was accepting that my life had become unbearable under the weight of the panic and anxiety. Until then I was in denial.  I was blaming other people for my circumstances.

I believe that when we accept where we are we are demonstrating self love.  Allowing ourselves to own our emotions and take responsibility for where we are.  When I was fighting against my position I wasn't focusing on how to be gentle with myself.  I was being harsh and that harshness was fuelling the fire.

Owning our emotions and taking responsibility for where we are is like the big red circle on the map that says 'you are here'.  It is a starting point in which to gently evaluate ourselves; a place to push off from.  A place to get to know yourself a little better so that your next step is more aligned with what you need in that moment.

Letting go isn't about forgetting or severing the circumstance from your mind.  It's the opposite.  It's the acceptance and embracing of the circumstances that free you from yourself, your fears and your worries.

I don't see acceptance as giving up by the way.  Acceptance is compassion.  We release what we no longer need through acceptance because it leads us to compassion which leads us to the love that we are.

To let go of a fear you need to look at it; observe it from a different perspective then walk right up to it and give it a hug.  That fear is telling you something about yourself.  It's a teacher.

The same thing is true for worry and also for those other emotions we hang onto like guilt, shame and remorse.  You can do this same thing with relationships.  You can do this with past experiences that you are still hanging onto and still dictate your life.

What I know to be true is that we are all human.  We are all walking around on this planet like bumbling idiots (yes even those of you who think you have it all together).  And we haven't a clue what to do about it.  The only thing we might know for sure is that what we have been doing up until now hasn't really been working so well.

Maybe it's time to switch it up and try something new.  Next time you are faced with something that you just can't seem to let go of; try compassion.  Try embracing it and see what happens.  You might be surprised!

The Secret To Affirmation

Affirmations.  This is one of those topics that really stirs things up for me.

We've been taught to use affirmations as a special magical tool to get whatever we want out of life and if you've ever watched the movie or read the book 'The Secret' you'll know just what I'm talking about.

The truth is affirmations aren't something we use only when we 'want' something.  Though we do tend to make up 'special' affirmations when we are feeling in need of something.  We are actually using affirmations all of the time during our day.  Whether we are thinking about how we look in an outfit or verbalizing how we are feeling at any given time we are affirming what our life feels and looks like to us.  And those affirmations bring about more of the same since those affirmations are actually more powerful than the ones you are 'forcing' yourself to repeat.

Every time you hold a thought in your mind you are affirming something.  So all of those unconscious thoughts that swirl around inside your head all day are actually producing/manifesting/creating your reality.  Eeek!

I've been thinking a lot about affirmations lately since I 'tried' to use a few while dealing with a recent job opportunity.  My outside voice affirmations were saying things like 'this is going to be a great opportunity to meet new people and have a new experience' and 'this is going to be life enhancing'.  But my inside voice affirmations were saying something like 'oh I really would rather work from home and be my own boss' and 'I really don't like having someone else tell me where I will be spending my time'.

Do you see the misalignment in these affirmations?  Guess which affirmations held more power?  If you guessed the second set you are SO correct!  The truth is that the affirmations that swirl around in our mind have lots of power, mostly because we are unaware of the way they make us feel and that they are making us feel really deep emotions most of the time.  Plus, these inside voice affirmations have been playing over and over again in our minds for years and years.  Lots of power being stored there!

If we are being honest with ourselves most of the affirmations we make up for ourselves are born out of fear.  We see that our life isn't going the way we would like and we want to make a change so we go for the affirmations like flies on a dung pile.  We make up affirmations and we chant them and sing them to ourselves and we put on a happy smile and life is good.  But then nothing happens.  A couple of days later you find yourself a little worn out and a little more than disappointed that this 'affirmation thing' didn't work.

We are an impatient bunch aren't we?  Worse than being impatient is that we are totally disillusioned as to where our focus really needs to be.  Yes you can use affirmations to create positive change in your life.  Of course.  But in my opinion that is only going to happen if you can look at what you already have and be grateful.

I have learned that the key point in making affirmations work is feeling at peace with where things are at in this moment.  Looking around you and saying 'you know, this is all pretty spectacular.  I am pretty spectacular.  You know what would make it all much more fun?  Some money, or some weight loss or some love from a significant other'.

When my husband and I talk about our future we say things like 'Won't it be nice when....' or 'Wouldn't it be great if....'.  We do this naturally, don't ask me how we came onto it but when we start talking like this I get a little bubble of excitement inside of me because I know that we've done it before; we've teamed up to create some wonderful things in our life and all because we are already loving what we have and dreaming of something that would add a little more 'fun' to it all.

So next time you find yourself 'lacking' and in need of an affirmation take some time and write a list of gratitudes and sink in to how that feels to you.  Then you can add a list of things that would make your experience a little more 'fun' like the car, the money, the world peace.  Whatever you like.  Just begin your affirmation with gratitude and then watch the real magic happen :)